Why I Don't Hate Criticism Anymore

Who here likes receiving straightforward criticism—especially on a project you've poured your very heart and soul into?

*looks around for a show of hands*

*finds. . . barely any*

I'm not talking about the "I enjoyed the majority of this! Some parts could use a bit of fixing, though—and here's how" type of criticism. I'm talking about the blatant, direct "I don't like this part because of this" type of criticism.

No matter how much we try to pretend it doesn't—that type of criticism stings, doesn't it? Even when we know the person meant well, it still hurts.

However, I've realized that while that type of criticism can be painful at times, I've learned a lot about my approach towards it, and in this blog post, I'll be going over why I don't necessarily hate it anymore.

But let's start this off by taking you back in time to meet lil' twelve-year-old me.

Story Time

There I was, at twelve years old. A seasoned writer in my own eyes. I had never met anyone who had told me my story was bad, and that sent my writer-esteem up to the clouds. I thought I was the best writer in the world, when in fact, I was the only writer in my little life.

So when my mom asked me to share a novella I wrote with someone, I didn't hesitate. I knew everyone would like my writing, anyway.

But I was wrong.

This person didn't enjoy my writing or my main character.

So what did twelve-year-old me do?

*facepalms at this part*

It was a disaster for me. I was crushed. I'd never had anyone dislike my writing before, let alone tell my main character was unsympathetic and the story was confusing (to be honest, looking back now—I actually 100% agree).

But you know, maybe this person is right, thought twelve-year-old me. Maybe I am no good at a writer.

So guess what little twelve-year-old me decided to do?

I decided to throw in the towel. And quit. And never write ever again.

Spoiler alert: It didn't work. Because I'm still writing. Obviously. 😝

But what did I learn from that experience?

Criticism is common ... especially in book reviews.

Now switching over to the topic of book reviews. I'm sure we've all seen those readers scrolling through Amazon or Goodreads—the type that know how they feel about books and aren't afraid to say it. Their reviews usually include blatantly stating they threw the book across the room or it deserves to burn or some other book-worthy insult.

We've probably also all seen those bookish arguments. Those smartingly sarcastic responses from loyal book lovers (or the other way around) that soon launch into a full-on ... well, argument.

And sure, they're amusing sometimes. But they're also downright cynical and hurtful, which is another topic I could go into on another day. Definitely not condoning their actions here. 😉

But let's put this extreme criticism to the side for a moment. In this post, I'll just be talking about straightforward criticism from still well-meaning people, people who actually want to see you succeed but just didn't like your works. While we can't change the way their criticism is worded, we can change the way we approach it.

This doesn't apply to only books and authors. It can apply to anyone, regardless of what your project is.

It's impossible to please everyone.

Reviews—and feedback—are all very subjective. Everyone has different tastes and preferences. Even the books I would absolutely stuff onto everyone's bookshelves have people who found problems with them.

Even my book has readers who didn't particularly enjoy it. That the message or the characters didn't connect with.

Did it sting a little bit to not get 100% glowing, five-star reviews? Yes.

But really, over time, I've learned that it's okay. Because ultimately, if I tried to aim for 100% five stars on my Goodreads status, I'd always fall short. That's why it's both pointless and exhausting to write to please people.

Have I wanted people to like my writing? Yes.

But ultimately, every time I see the ratings on my books go down and get discouraged, these things are humbling because they point me to the true reason I'm writing—not writing my books because I want to get 100% five-star ratings or constant praise. I'm doing it for God. So He can use every imperfect word I write for His glory. Not mine.

Criticism is incredibly subjective.

We all are human (well, aside from the spare robot visiting this blog *waves*), and it's a known fact that humans spend lots of time arguing about things. Some of these arguments are based on judgments or beliefs, aka opinions.

And we all have these certain things we feel very strongly about. For instance, don't ask me about romance in fiction unless you want me to go on a tangent. 😆

And yes, it may hurt at times. But ultimately, criticism is subjective to the person, their experiences, and their opinions. The voices of the world will be ever-changing, ever-shifting. Very rarely—if ever—do all opinions of a group of readers align, and that almost always means there'll be some who think your work is the best thing since C. S. Lewis's Chronicles of Narnia, and there will be some who think it's the worst thing on the planet (and yes, sometimes they will state that very strongly).

There will always be room for improvement.

I know this isn't the same for everyone, but to me, this realization is always incredibly freeing. I'm never going to get it 100% right. I'm never going to have that perfect book that's completely absent of any flaw. Which means it's completely unfair to expect every person who happens upon my work to enjoy and be touched by it.

And in some ways, there is a huge benefit to receiving criticism. Because it shows that someone has actually taken the time to read (or look over) your work, and it also shows that you're human and still have lots of areas to grow in.

Sometimes, when I'm actually mentally prepared for improving my work, I do read through criticism. And then I use that to try and make my work even better.

It's okay to feel discouraged. But remember that your worth isn't placed in the opinions of others.

It's normal to be discouraged about your work. Everyone goes through that one time or another, and sometimes exposure to criticism, when you're not mentally prepared to, doesn't help. But as demonstrated from my story stated above, don't get stuck in discouragement.

Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken. —Psalm 55:22

Don't allow it to stop you from doing hard things for the glory of God. Don't let the chaotic voices of the world around you cause you to throw in the towel. Don't value the voices of others so much that you let them take the place of the One whose opinion of you should matter most of all.

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Now it's your turn!

Have you ever dealt with harsh criticism before? What was your first response to it? Looking back, what has it taught you? I'd love to hear your thoughts below! 😄

~Em ✨ | E. C. Colton