I Don't Know, and That's Okay

I still remember that slightly chilly day at the beginning of 2021 I spent scrolling through a writing community.

And in the process, I discovered a few posts asking questions along the lines of: "Where do you see yourself when you're twenty? What are some dreams and goals you have for your future?"

I remember staring blankly at the screen, scrolling through comments and seeing all the amazing things people wanted to accomplish with their lives. And then thinking, "umm ... I have no idea??"

To be honest, I think I typed something out, but I don't remember it. Something about me not knowing and how I wanted to serve God and all that.

But that sparked a realization in my mind: I don't know what I want to do in the future. And even months, almost a year later, I still don't know.

Honestly? Nowadays, I like thinking about the future. The main reason I think about it so much is that it's unknown. I don't know what I want to do after high school. I don't know where I want to be when I'm twenty. I don't even know if I'd rather be a librarian in a gothic library or a crazy cat lady. I. just. don't. know.

(Also, take into account this could be because I'm literally the most indecisive person you will ever meet. 😆😉)

And honestly, not knowing can be scary. There's just that giant question mark, ready to crush you whole with its immensities and possibilities and everything in between.

So this blog post is for those who don't know. Those who have never had their ideal life planned out. Who are often overwhelmed by the possibilities and the questions and the decisions. And for those, too, who don't have it all figured out yet, a reminder that it's totally okay.

Life is unexpected.

It's a sobering reminder, and one I've experienced myself. With life comes death.

People who have always been a fixed part of my life, people I've always expected to see week after week have passed away. I was only seven or eight when a relative of mine passed away, and what I consider my first experience losing someone close in family to me, though I never knew her. I remember that was when the permanency of death first struck me. It was that realization that I'd never be able to talk to her on this earth again.

With each person that passes, the more we realize how unexpected life really is. The message that comes with all deaths is that life is short. All of us will die in the end, but what matters is how we live the time that has already been given to us—the moments given by our Creator. Maybe this is a reminder that with death comes life, too.

These jarring experiences also show us is that life isn't predictable. Technically speaking, none of us are guaranteed another day.

And that's a scary thought. But it's also a beautiful thought, to me at least. Because there's nothing we can do to guarantee life plays out to fit our picture-perfect futures. In other words, it shows just how inadequate we really are—we don't have control over our futures or life or what happens to us.

But our inadequacy points to a Creator (Psalm 139:16), Someone higher than all this who has it all in His hands. Because if we're not in control of life—and never will be—who is?

God has an amazing plan for our lives.

We all are created for a purpose. Just like Jesus was born to die for our sins, we are each placed on the earth for a purpose beyond ourselves, designated by God. And while it's obviously not as influential as dying for the sins of mankind, we are each here to live out the limited time we are given by our Creator to bring glory to Him.

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. ~ Romans 8:28

Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand. ~ Proverbs 19:21

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ~ Jeremiah 29:11

And sometimes, God's plan can be contradictory to our own. They can often feel impossible, crazy distant dreams that hover on the unreachable horizon. Take the apostle Paul, for example. He was living a life as Saul, ruthlessly persecuting Christians. If someone had told him that he would be spreading the Gospel and serving the very God he resented, he probably would've laughed.

But God had other plans. We all know the story—He completely flipped Paul's life around. But one thing that particularly stood out to me is the way God directed Ananias to Paul. Ananias was well aware of the danger and horrible acts Paul had committed against the believers and the church. But he recognized that God's plan was bigger, obedience was bigger than his own desires and concerns. So he went.

Our plan vs. God's plan

The point in illustrating the story is that sometimes, our plans for our future can run contradictory to God's. Consider, for instance, that Ananias was bent on self-preservation, stubbornly refusing to put his life in danger by going to this guy who had imprisoned so many believers. Or maybe he could've doubted it was even God he heard. Either way, he could've said no.

Well, then ... who knows what would've happened? Maybe Paul wouldn't have been healed of his blindness. Maybe God would've found someone else to minister to Paul.

Either way, we often can cling so sharply to our ideas, our dreams, our plans—and leave God the cracks to somehow fit into. I know I've done it too often before, whispering a prayer hurriedly while checking off my to-do list or studying while skimming a few Bible verses.

At times, it's okay to not know how everything's going to play out. That leaves more room for trust and direction from God. And through steady reliance on Him, our relationships with Him only grows.

Don't get me wrong—I'm definitely not saying having goals are horrible or your future should be a blank slate! 😆 Goals are actually pretty amazing because they prevent us from becoming misguided humans wandering through life. 😜 But with goals and dreams also come the danger of letting those become first before God's if they're different things.

But if God has placed a dream on your heart, by all means pursue it and make that your end goal! (or your middle goal, or your start goal ... you get the idea 😄). But it's so important to be seeking Him all the way, making sure our goals are holy and fit into His plan for our lives, rather than the other way around.

We should hand our futures to God.

But when we think about it, God's plan clearly trumps our own. This is why it's so important to give it all to him—our hazy futures, the lessons from the past, and our dreams today. And sure, maybe your future won't play out exactly how you expected it.

But just letting go, and accepting that ultimately, our plans are dwarfed by His own is so relieving too. Because while the world may tell you that you are in control of your future, ultimately, only God knows how many days we have left, and only He knows the big reason He's placed us on this earth.

We should hand our futures back to the One who orchestrates it all. By doing so, we're giving our question marks to Him and letting Him transform them into something beautiful.

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Now it's your turn!

What are some things God has placed on your heart to do in the future? What are your thoughts on my thoughts (that was fun to say)? Do you agree or disagree?

Also—I have very many thoughts on this topic, and it's something I've been learning for a while now. So would you be interested in see more posts about this?

I'd love to chat with you in the comments!

~Em ✨ | E. C. Colton